I started thinking about my mid to late twenties and how in retrospect they seemed so much more fun. I realize they weren’t, I was actually quite miserable, all I have to do is read my journal to know how unhappy I was (post-college). My twenties were difficult and confusing because I was still trying to figure out what I wanted out of life, who I wanted to be, and really who I was. They were time of constant change, while doing the difficult task of starting out your life. For me, my twenties felt like I was in a hamster wheel never moving forward.
What I remember most, though, is spending a lot of time shopping, dining out, and visiting friends. All things I don’t really do much anymore. This is due to a number of factors such as, money, time, and the fact that all my friends now have small children under the age of 7. I remember feeling like I could just go out and purchase anything I wanted, whenever I wanted. I would go on several shopping sprees for new clothes, videotapes, shoes, etc. At the time, I loved collecting things. I also recall many weekends at the bar, eating out constantly, and seeing almost every movie in the theater when it came out. Sometimes when I think back it feels like I was free to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, money was no object.
I wasn’t free, however, I was borrowing from my future. The future in which I am now living! I need to remind myself often that I can’t continue to borrow from my future, that I don’t want to spend my forties in the same place as my thirties. Ironically, I have never been happier than in my thirties, even with the debt hanging over me. The further we get from our past the more we idealize it. and I just want to remember that my memories of “good times” are not quite accurate.
The “freedom” I remember was obtained on credit.